Aren’t we all? Don’t tell me you leave comments and likes on all the profiles you visit. Cause I don’t. I like to believe I am like the wind. I come, check out your pictures, you status msg and then without so much as leaving a trace, I am out of your profile. I have my reasons for coming to your profile too. I do. Hear me out.
You are in my face, all the time. Well, all the time I am on FB atleast. I came today and I might come back tomorrow and the day after as long as you appear on my newsfeed. Or maybe when you don’t appear on my newsfeed for extended periods. Then I suddenly remember you and wonder what happened. How come you don’t post pictures of exotic holidays? How come you don’t write sweet nothings for your partner? How come there are no PDA posts? What’s wrong? I come to check on you cause I wonder. Cause I care.
Not always though. Sometimes I come to check to make a face and wallow in self pity cause you seem to have the money, the time and adequate number of days off from work to travel ALL the time. And post pretty pictures too. I thought maniacal bosses were a given. That everyone had them, everyone had to have one. It just does not seem fair otherwise. When the closest I’ve gotten to a holiday in forever has been a trip to the supermarket without my toddler, you seem to be jet setting everyday. Does that sound fair to even your ears? I thought so. My daily quota of self pity fulfilled, I quickly move on to other things. Unlike you, I have a regular life you see..
And then you guys, you know who you are. The hopelessly in love, newly engaged or married guys. Can you cut out the sappy posts already? I know, you are in love and is incredibly lucky to have your hubbypooh or wifesmifey. I get it. But seriously, it is incredibly funny to us folks who’ve been married a while. I come to your profile for only one thing..to have a good laugh. You guys are incredibly funny with your naivety. But there are also a few who well, a few years into their marriage still behaves like newlyweds on FB. Now that group boggled me for a bit. How could anyone have a glitch free marriage? Did I miss an important memo or something? How come my fights are never resolved with a trip to some fancy restaurant or with my partner leaving sorry msgs all over my wall? Why? How? I couldn’t make head or tails out of it until my friend proposed this theory that the more ‘happy’ and ‘in love’ a married for a while couple seem on FB, the more problems they are facing offline. She even had examples of cheating spouses to back her theory up. So when I lurk, I am lurking either for a good laugh or to don my Freud cap and psychoanalyze the shit out of your post.
The same goes for all you new Mums too. I enjoy your posts about your darling little one who gives you no trouble or gives you too much trouble. If you think them at 5 months is a lot of/no trouble, then wait till they till their terrible twos or tiresome threes. I wish you would post a picture of you wiping food off the walls or detangling spaghetti from your hair. Just so that we know we are all in this together.
I stalk my enemies too. To keep tabs. I like to keep my enemies close until..they go on a holiday or get a new job or buy a house. Then I let you go. I already hate you. I cannot take you winning all the rounds too.
There is this one more group i like to ‘visit’. The friend’s friend group. You have no idea I exist but I know quite a bit about you. You with you 563 likes on every pictures and 2357 comments on every single post and 43 mutual friends. It essentially means that your every post liked or commented by our 43 mutual friends will land on my newsfeed. Also your constantly looking like you just stepped out of the salon or you and your spouse’s picture perfect photo sessions means that I cannot help coming back to your profile, albeit with a little jealousy.
So you see, I’ve got reasons. I admit I stalk but come on, you know you want me to.