I understand jealousy. We are all do. We’ve all been jealous of someone or the other. I understand its human and for most part, I know when I get jealous. Unlike what some people tell me, I don’t feel confused when I am jealous. Instead I feel a moment of complete clarity of what I want and where I want to get to. I was only just discussing this with my husband, who pointed out that when I get jealous of something or someone, I become superbly determined. Anyways, the point is, I get jealousy but what I don’t get is malice.
People say intense jealousy leads to malice. Perhaps they are right but I don’t understand why people cannot channel their jealousy the right way. If you are jealous of something, why not try to achieve it or get it for yourself, instead of thrashing of harming the object of our jealousy. Why? I know someone like that. A very malicious person and he shocks me everyday. The sheer malice in him and the bad vibes he sends out baffles me. WHY? HOW? How can someone get so malicious?
How can someone be jealous of everyone. Every being? How? No matter how much I think, I cannot seem to wrap my head around the emotion. From a stranger on his evening jog to colleagues in different departments to the CEO’s family, how is it possible for a person to hate everyone and wish evil for everyone. How does that make him happy? How can he attend a wedding, pose for pictures with the bride and groom, eat their food, drink their booze and then step outside the venue and make comments about how he predicts their marriage won’t last? Why does their happiness and well being bother him so much? Why can he not find happiness in anything? Why is making life hell for others by back stabbing them or bad mouthing them the only that makes him happy? How does he explain him to himself? How does he sleep at night.
I’ve lived in 3 countries, in 3 continents, in 3 time zones. I’ve met multitude of people, worked in contrasting work environments yet what I’ve never come across is a person like him. A person with only malice in him. His actions makes me speechless and because we live in a small island, it is extremely difficult to distance yourself or keep away from the negativity. It effects you and brings you down. There are a few of my colleagues who can keep their calm and move forward but not me. I cannot. I feel the need to give him one tight slap and shake him till all the maliciousness falls off him. Who goes to a party, eats and drinks with a vengeance; not cause he is hungry but to rake up a bill for for the host. Who does that?
Tell me, am I wrong is wanting to set mad dogs on him? Am I completely unjustified in wanting publicly humiliate him? To teach him a lesson? He thrives on everyone else’s silence. Am I wrong is wanting to speak up, speak out against him. Everyone tell me to keep quiet, to hold my tongue cause he is on pally terms with the top management and has framed people before and gotten them fired. Should I be afraid? Cause what I feel is not fear but hatred to this complete apology for a human being. Am I wrong in feeling such strong emotions?
I know this is an angry post but I’m glad I wrote this cause suddenly I feel a little (not a lot) better. Have you had people like him in your life? Miserable and pointlessly malicious individuals? Karma, I’ve heard tons about you being a bitch and I think about now would be the time to own up to that reputation and work your magic! I’m waiting!